Every day is a new opportunity in our marriage for the Crazy Cycle to make an appearance. It’s ugly, vengeful, and has no plans of ever leaving for good. You know what I’m talking about… She says something snarky about unfinished laundry. He says he washed it so she should dry it. She starts naming off a completed chores list like it’s a resume, and no one is happy about anything. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs defines the Crazy Cycle as an “endless cycle of negative reactions when couples try to resolve conflicts.”
One way my husband has taught me to fight the negativity that the cycle creates is with humor. I refer to it as “calling me out on my (or his) crazy.” If I get annoyed that something isn’t put away, it will either end up in my work bag or under my pillow. If I leave a post-it note for him with a “To Do,” I come home to post-its all over the apartment (ALL over).
Why is this a wonderful way to break the negativity? Because you can’t be mad at someone for long when they make you laugh. :) It breaks the tension, causes you to relax in a place that probably hurts, and encourages you to be creative in similar silly ways.
Here are some of the ways my husband has broken the Crazy Cycle in just the past few days:
What happens when I stress out about forgetting someone’s birthday gift? I come home to notes that say, “Don’t Forget Me.”
What happens when I try to be sneaky and hide an unclaimed sock in my husband’s school binder? It ends up in my Dave Ramsey Deluxe Envelope System.
What happens when I complain about one hanger left on the floor then try to be funny and throw a ton of them on the bed? I get a new chandelier. :) (W0uld you believe we both went to bed with the hangers still….um…hanging? It came down the next day and ended up on the floor on my side of the closet. LOL)
Remember, when you feel the Crazy Cycle start to turn, go back to basics and learn to laugh about it. Think about how you’re letting a sock or a hanger ruin your day and cause disrespect in your marriage. It provides great perspective and is a way to forgive and move on. Fight for your marrige with laughter and you’ll both be better for it. :)
Want more info on the Crazy Cycle? Check “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. You both will be glad you did!